Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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