Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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