he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
