Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
