Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
