You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
