I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
