Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
