So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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