I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
