He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
