I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
