Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
