haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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