we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
