i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
