Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
