4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
