Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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