Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
