i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
