His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
