She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
