I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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