Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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