Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
