For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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