What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I want to fling myself into the sun
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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