3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
