she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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