There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
