i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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