Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
