How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have aggressive nipples.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
