So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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