I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
