i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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