the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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