I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
