dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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