omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
