So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
