I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
