You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
