so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
