Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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