that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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