i jhust puked up my retainher.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
