I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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