So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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