before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
