Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
