O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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