well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
