We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
