I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
